Development

Q: My 13- and 10-year-old sons seem to be fighting a lot. The oldest is always putting his younger sibling down, and my youngest is becoming quite the pest. It feels like every activity, decision, or store excursion can dissolve into anger. I am exhausted dealing with both of them putting me in the middle. Do you have any suggestions?

Q:My husband isn’t involved at all with our kids. It seems that all the parenting duties fall on me. He is rarely around and, when he is, there is tension in the air. I worry about what it is doing to my son and daughter as they approach high school.

Let’s start by defining the kind of parenting that provides the essential needs for children.
We know they need:

• Warmth, shown by caring, responsiveness, and acceptance (of who they are, not always what they do.)
• Monitoring of their activities and whereabouts, more at certain times than others.

Q: My 17-year-old son is dating a girl who wears really suggestive low-cut tops. Would I be out of line to say something to the girl about this?

Q: My 17-year-old son is dating a girl who wears really suggestive low-cut tops. Would I be out of line to say something to the girl about this?

Q:I think my daughter is going to graduate from high school (it has been touch and go), but she does not seem ready to go to college. I don’t want her staying at home past graduation. She is not getting grades for going to college, but expects us to support whatever she decides to do and let her stay home. I feel trapped!Help!

Most teenagers probably think boards are something you skate on, but the members of Emergency Infant Services (EIS) Junior Board of Directors are learning what a nonprofit board is and, in the process, gaining skills that will serve them into adulthood.

Hannah Newman, a senior at Holland Hall College Preparatory School in Tulsa and president of EIS’s Junior Board, has been a member of the board since her sophomore year.

Q: My 15-year-old is never where she says she’ll be when I check. She
always has a great reason, always gives me the best plans, yet trust is disappearing. I am afraid for her safety. What should I do?

A: This is an age where parents often feel in a bind between trusting their kids, knowing that many things will never be known, and fearing for their safety and judgment. Your fears sound well-grounded from your experience and the developmental age of your daughter. Yet the core questions are: How will she learn for herself, and how great a risk is she running with her current choices?

Ten years have passed since Coach Ken Carter locked the doors to the Richmond High gymnasium canceling all games and practices for eight days, earning his undefeated basketball team their first loss of the season. Since then his players have graduated, earned scholarships, and every player he has coached has gone on to college. In those eight days Coach Carter challenged his players and ultimately the entire town of Richmond, CA to apply the same discipline and determination to education as they did to winning a state championship.

Mom, I Want a Tattoo
by Claudia Arthrell

Q: My 16-year-old is trying to talk me into allowing her to get a tattoo. She is relentless! My inclination is to say no, but I am slowly getting worn down, thinking she’ll do it herself without my consent. Help!